I am not a parent but I do understand something about parenting: kids need structure. If you do not give them structure and consistency, they will not listen to you and they will not respect you. They will do their own thing and only obey you enough to continue doing their own thing. This consistency needs to be between crimes/punishments (e.g. if they do something, allow them to face the consequences of their actions. If they do it again, allow them to face the consequences of their actions! Every time!) and between spouses – if you do not agree, your children will not respect either of you. Your child will only learn how to work the system.